My fear is that this feeling isn't sustainable.  That the shivers your mere proximity send through my body may fade in time.  That the smile I get at the sound of your voice will change once we've settled into dull familiarity.

The world seems to revolve around new lovers.  I forget decorum when you're next to me, when your lips are too temptingly close to resist.  We're those two people that outsiders watch with interest and envy, suddenly realizing what has gone cold within them, what had been forgotten until now.

I am drugged on your presence, just let me beside you and I become a new person.  Even as I walk away I'm still giddy, still floating on your memory.

I am already an addict.  But will this high have a cruel, cold, sudden comedown?  Someday will I be with you and not melt, will I feel numb to your magic?

Observe other couples in the restaurant.  There are those who keep a nervous distance rom each other on a first date, carefully choosing their words and actions.  There are those with a warm, friendly familiarity, like best friends.  And then there are the two who have grown quiet and indifferent to each other.

But there is us, the ones who can't keep their hands off of each other, who can't even sit across from each other because the space of a table is much too far.

Someday if I forget that power you had over me, I will read these words again and remember the hungry eyes I once watched you through.  I will remember and you will drug me again, you will flow through my veins and I will once again be at your mercy.

Only a kiss has my entire body curling towards yours, craving for things I shouldn't be thinking of in a restaurant or at a party, surrounded by others but immune to their looks.

There's nothing quite like spending your Saturday in a high school, dressed up like a school girl.  I got to work with the multitalented, curvalicious (that's a word, right) social media star Trisha Paytas in her rendition of Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher."  With a cameo by none other than David Lee Roth!

This update is a little late, but catch it if you missed it!  It was such an honor to work with the very talented Adam Saaks.  I guess I had to trust him--but I didn't see how scary it actually was until I watched it on film (I couldn't see past my ample bosom, really).  Check it out!

    She walks past him in a cloud of steam, smelling like roses and grapefruit and sits down before a lighted mirror. She smiles at him with the same babyish face he kissed this morning as she lay in his bed, lit by the sun. He’s distracted from the evening news as he watches her reach for tiny brushes and pots of cosmetics, like an artist before an easel.

    Black liquid lines are delicately painted around her eyes, swooping up at the edge like the Queen of the Nile. Pink stains go on her cheekbones, giving her a tint that would never occur with embarrassment…she would more likely laugh than blush.

He’s hypnotized, watching her watching herself in the mirror, transforming from his angel into a vamp, painting her lips a dark, bloodied red. She smiles at him and slinks past him like a cat, dropping her towel for a form-fitting black dress.

    Tonight he walks behind her through a crowd, his hand on the small of her back, watching the glances that come her way. He draws a cross on his leg like he learned in childhood in his country when he sees women staring at her with envious evil eyes. He wonders for a moment if she might have exchanged a knowing look with her cat-like face with another man who passes them, as his eyes wash over her. He shrugs off his paranoia and turns her body to his and kisses her roughly, the way she likes.

    Her smile is a little forced as she talks to others and he feels as if he’s watching her at a masquerade ball. This is not the woman he wakes up to. This painted lady is rehearsed, poised and holding herself together. She’s like a beautiful stranger on his arm.

    At home she slips her heels off and asks him to unzip her dress. He watches her sit before the mirror again, pulling out cloth wipes and passing them over her face. Her cat eyes come off in a black streak and she is his kitten once again. She tiptoes over to his bed and curls up against his chest, turning her bare lips up to his.

I've cut out the grains and sugar. I find it the best way to stay lean and strong without being hungry. But what is a PMSing girl to do when only chocolate will take the monster?



Enter coconut butter. This is one of my favorite recipes--reminiscent of mint chocolate chip ice cream. And it's fairly simple, once you master the art of coconut butter.  This is really satisfying without refined sugar or grains.  It feels like it shouldn't be diet friendly!



Ingredients:

1 package unsweetened shredded coconut (organic if you can find it)



Handful of cacao nibs (found at whole foods)

2 tablespoons organic expeller pressed coconut oil. 


2-3 drops peppermint extract



Dump the coconut into your food processor.  Add coconut oil.  (If you have coconut flakes, you may not need oil, or may need less).  Prepare to pulse it for a long time.  I have ADHD.  I find it's best to work on other things while it's pulsing so I don't get too bored.  Let it run for a few minutes and then scrape down the sides with a rubber spatula.   It starts to chunk up (see pic).  Run it again and stop and scrape down the sides.  You may be doing this for 15 minutes.


Your coconut will soon start to take on a butter-like consistency.  This is the base for many desserts, and a guilt-free treat all on its own.  


Once it becomes butter, add your drops of peppermint extract.  Puree it for about 30 seconds to blend.  Then remove the blade from your food processor and stir in the cacao nibs.


Line a mini-muffin pan with paper cups.  Fill each cup with the coconut butter mix.  Pop into the freezer for 30 minutes to solidify.  And then, dessert is done!  You will not have to harm anyone due to your cravings :)